Jun 16 2008
Advanced Congratulations to Stephen Box on (future) Success in Woodland Hills (Roasted, Part 1 of 1,000,000)
My friend Stephen Box has organized a meeting of political big shots to present to the Woodland Hills neighborhood council. Seriously - these political alpha dogs are accustomed to being the top dog in most rooms and they’ll all be nervously eying one another on Saturday. It’s a coup of epic proportions, and deserves an epic jinxing effort in return. So, congratulations on your upcoming success on Saturday, Stephen.
To sweeten the jinx I propose we all roast Stephen with embarassing tales, real and fake! To get started, here’s a picture of Stephen with his friend Erik Knutzen, his wife Enci Box, and a man he doesn’t get along with - all smiling. The unnamed man was Stephen’s accountant in his previous life when Stephen was the first international bicycle courier drug runner - shuttling Canadian cocaine from Montreal to Tijuana by bicycle. The accountant flipped on Stephen when they offered to name a bridge after him, and Stephen was almost incarcerated. However, being the excellent orator, Stephen regaled the audience with tales of mom’s and apple pie, astonished them with a beautiful soliloquy to the word “benign”, and tied it all up with an explanation of his newly revamped “Seven ‘E’s: Education, Enforcement, Encouragement, Engineering, Escalades, Etymology, and the Eric Garcetti.”
Roasted! Join the roast in the comments!
Similar Posts
- Local Cyclist Killed
- Friends of the Friendless Will Tell You of Chet (pt. 2)
- My World Class Marathon Day, by Tad Daley
- Bike Film Festival video, including amazing artistic cycling demo by Ines
This one meting Stephen Box track standed the whole meeting and flipped everyone off when they came outside. Naw really he just did this rad skid leaning into his Nitto bars while he lit a cigarette and then “accidentally” slapped all haterz in front of him with his rear wheel.
He did a reverse victory lap (rode backwards on his Pista for two laps). Then I swear to god I saw him bunny hop a cop car and one the cops inside was pregnant, and she was like “Oh My GOD! Yes, YES!!” Nine months later, she gave birth to his baby but Stephen said she isn’t getting a dime until the test come back from the lab.
LEGEND!
The first time I met Stephen Box in person was in a Metro Station. He came down and started waxing poetic about bikes when he realized he had left his bicycle on the front of the bus.
He ran upstairs, only to find the bus had rolled away.
But since he is Stephen Box, the MTA trembled and not only gave him back his old bike (tuned and cleaned) but a fleet of other lost bicycles they had collected from the fronts of buses.
Some of this story is true
LULZ
Roast Roast ROAST!
My worst nightmare is that I’m back in my first out of college job as a legislative aide to an Assemblyman in Maryland.
There’s some sort of mass crackdown on cyclists and Stephen comes in the office to lobby me.
The first time I met Stephen Box, he was wearing a well knitted cashmere sweater that he bought on sale at the Banana Republic at the Grove. I know because I was watching him from the nearby mexi-fusion restaurant across the piazza.
He sauntered with the grace and agility of an adolescent gazelle into the Apple store, and when I saw him come out of the store laden with boxes, I was in awe of his strength - ten iMacs!
Later, in a public meeting, he told me I was breakin some silly little law, and my heart was crushed. Needless to say, I banned him from enetering the LADOT Bikeways breakroom ever again to demonstrate his vehicluar cycling technique. Our foosball table, and my heart, have never been the same since.
I first met Stephen Box in my figure drawing class - he was the model.
I’ve never understood how a man so large could stand on pointe, in the ballerina fashion, for twenty minutes at a stretch. A majestic prescence!
Sadly, I lost my sketches in this past season’s rains as my small tent was overwhelmed by the onslaught.
Stephen, when will you pose for my drawing class again?!
The first time I met Stephen was in this insane kegger afterparty to an congressional reauthorization of ISTEA. He hoisted me upside down so I could hit the tap of one of the Honey Brewed Wheat Barley Ale kegs we got donated from my boy August the Quatro. Quat keeps the real beer in an undisclosed location, and is always asking me if I’ve read the 10th edition Newspeak Dictionary.
Anyway, Stephen was hoisting me upside down and I noticed his fly was open (or I thought it was), but my muffled attempt to let him know about it ended up wasting a quart of the good stuff before he set me back down to earth.
Since I am a strict conservationist (I don’t even tip valets!) I let Box have it. He had made me waste beer! I told him I’d make sure that bikes were to only receive their “proportional” share of any money the MTA handed out. This meant the’d get less than 1% of any money we doled out - and that most of that would go only to road widenings! Hah!
Snoble RULES!!